For fuck sake. Is it ‘fucks sake’ or ‘fuck sake’? Either way, holy shit this has been a difficult time to navigate. Let’s do a quick recap to get everyone up to speed on what’s been on and popping with the JADL team. Kids… COVID… and Chaos. There you go, anyone with kids should just be nodding their heads in agreement right now. Honestly when this whole thing started it was pretty strange, to say the least, with everyone being stuck at home. I’m fortunate enough that my day job is something that can be done remote and with my wife also being able to work remote as the CEO of JADL enterprises, we were able to quickly hash out our new routines. Those early days were pretty easy when I look back on them. And by early days, I’m referring to like the first week. Literally right after that, it just spiraled out of control like the early days of Jerry Springer.
However you feel about this whole thing is your personal feeling, honestly I don’t put much stock into other folks feelings. For the JADL squad, we took/take it pretty seriously for our own personal reasons. So what does that mean? That means we don’t do much of shit. We go on a lot of walks, hikes, and spend a lot of time with one another. ‘Wait, but that doesn’t sound too bad JADL.’ Really… you think so, you think it doesn’t sound so bad? Basically what I just said was that we spend almost every waking moment with one another, all five of us… together… forever. Oh, I should also mention that we sold our house (it had a good amount of space with a nice big backyard) and moved into a 1200 sq. ft condo with a less than zero yard. Yea, five people in a tight ass three-bedroom box. This bitch so small we might as well be living like Charlie’s family did in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the OG one, not that shitty remake Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), except my golden ticket doesn’t get me a factory and lifetime supply of chocolate. Nah, it just gets me the proverbial nut punch and screaming kids. You all know that I love the squad, but the squad can get on my last nerves from time to time (most of the time). What makes it worse for me is that the kids and Mrs. JADL absolutely love it, love being all cramped up with one another. Me, I am the type that would prefer to live in a cave, in the middle of the woods, by myself, with wi-fi if I could (honestly wi-fi is not a deal breaker).
Please believe me when I say I try to keep my sanity but every day it’s either an episode of The Walking Dead with kids trying to eat my brain or Mortal Kombat with the kids trying new ways to hurt one another. It’s like we as the parents don’t even exist sometimes in this upside-down rendition of Lord of the Flies (good book, look it up). Real talk, the other day my son was trying to wrestle around with me, and this little shit just straight up punches me in the nuts. Seriously, he gave it everything his little 47-pound body could muster, with some follow through. ‘Oh my god, what did you do?’ Well… Before I could feel the pain, I just snatched his little ass up and said ‘Hey motherfucker, you don’t know me like that. I will fuck you up.’ Ok, I didn’t say that exactly, but I did let him know that he needed to run away from me as fast as he could. He did get away, but he kept trying to apologize when he saw that I was really hurt. I took a good ten minutes before letting him come back in the room to apologize. I let him say his piece and then we hugged it out. Sike… he apologized and then I gave him a quick backhand to his nuts. ‘What?!?! No you didn’t.’ You damn right I did, this boy needs to understand his place. With the boy I have to constantly have my guard up because all his ass wants to do if ‘fight’. No matter how much I show him he is no match for dad, he always comes back for me. Honestly can’t don’t get too mad because I really hope this makes him a tough little SOB.
With the girls it’s not pain that I deal with, annoyance is more their flavor. The older daughter only wants to brush my hair and braid my hair and make me eat pretend food. Seriously, I’ve eaten so much play-doh (F#*k you play-dou) that I’m a life size play-doh ice cream kitchen creation set and I’ll let you guess where all that play-doh comes out (relax, I don’t really eat the play-doh). Because of the oldest, this tiny condo is nothing but a landscape of naked Barbie doll booby traps. Literally naked baby dolls everywhere. Why are they naked, I don’t know. The only answer I get is that she needs to take their clothes off so she can accessorize them, whatever the fuck that means. Now the littlest one… well… I’ll cover her in the post but I’ll just say if she would have been the first, then she would have been the last.
This really has been an unprecedented time in our history with still a lot of ‘wait and see’ in the future. We have had our fair share of worry, but we have also shared so much invaluable time with one another that we might have otherwise taken for granted. Looking towards a brighter future, but until then… it’s still just Kids, COVID, and Chaos.
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